What is a candle lighting ceremony? Candles placed too low may not catch a flame or take too long to light. Phone: (323) 931-5566. Thank you for leaving this blog post up, so many great ideas. Cup of Life Ceremony. In this scenario, the guest of honor lights a candle honoring their parents. Instead, aim to honor and impress each guest with a song truly unique to your relationship. Each honoree offers words of wisdom your child. Vibrant purple lighting, floral bouquets, and glowing candles elevated the space into a memorable setting. Id like to call up to light the fifth candle for Making the World BetterTIKKUN OLAM. Glasses of wine can be poured in place of lighting candles, too, and passed around to age appropriate guests to sip (we suggest grape juice or sparkling cider for the kids). Its also a time consuming affair between walking up from your table, hugging the guest of honor, posing for pictures, and lighting the actual candle. 6. Elevate Your Event Expectations, is our goal, our vision, and our attitude. By adding mitzvot to a candle lighting ceremony using these creative ideas, your family is sure to add an extra special touch to your celebration. Similarly, the afternoon service (Mincha) on Shabbat is becoming increasingly popular for bar/bat mitzvahs. May the light of peace glow within our hearts, within our homes, and throughout the world. 190 North Main StreetSuite 203Natick, MA 01760(617) 581-6860 support@18doors.org, AboutContactCareersFind a RabbiDonateClergy Login, Terms of Use | Privacy Policy Copyright 2021 18Doors.orgEIN 043-577816, Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ideas and Primer for Interfaith Families, Sample Candlelighting Ceremony Introduction, The City Congregation for Humanistic Judaism, Resources for Lifecycle Events Affected by the Coronavirus, How I Came to Embrace My Important Role in Judaism. Having trouble coming up with tracks? It makes for a great photo moment, too! And it's a valid question because the two religions share a lot of history, teachings, and beliefs. Later, as the plants grew, it was a regular reminder of the special occasion. Anything you can imagine that will honor your people and meet your teens wants and needs will be a special and meaningful moment that will last you a lifetime. WISDOM Combine the montage with the candle lighting by hiring a company that specializes in combining video and photos, such as rewindpics.com/. After all, its the thought that counts. Past, Present & Future Candle Lightings I think this is a lovely and fast way to do the candlelighting ceremony with just 3 candles and it covers everyone and doesn't hurt anyones feelings by being left out. REMEMBER US PROJECT The simple act of remembering someone restores that personsvalue and meaning, and adds meaning and value to your own life. A candle-lighting ceremony is a wonderful way for the Bar Mitzvah boy or Bat Mitzvah girl to recognize and honor the important people in their lives. Vendor Directory Jonah Becomes a Bar Mitzvah Not rated yet The photo was taken right before Jonah's Bar Mitzvah Shabbat Morning Service Ceremony was to begin. Jun 5, 2013 - The candle lighting ceremony is a unique and sentimental moment in a bat/bar mitzvah. Elevate Your Event Expectations, is our goal, our vision, and our attitude. This can either be a decoration in and of itself or candles on top of a birthday cake. Chanukah begins Thursday evening, December 7, 2023 and continues through Friday, December 15, 2023 . We sometimes like to joke and dedicate the future candle to the rich celebrity your teen will go on to marry. Morgan giving a candle-less speech at her Star Wars themed mitzvah. Display 14 saplings during the reception in the same way you would display a cake with a small card in front of each explaining the Honorees they represent. How many guests did you have at your first event? This is the candle for the guest of honor. Maybe well start a trend! Do they have a go-to karaoke song? At a certain point during the luncheon or party, a large display of candles will be brought out to the center of the floor. 2002-2023 My Jewish Learning. There were 90 guests, including about 25 kids. Our personal favorite is the Circle of Light. Instead of individually calling friends and family members up to light each candle, you hand out candles to your entire party and the host family goes and lights one candle from each table. We challenge ourselves and our competition to consistently evolve, adapt, and create options, details, and enhancements never seen before at social affairs. The Jewish people have been at the center of some of the most critical and horrific times in history. If you are stumped with the rhymes, check out Rhymer or Rhyme Zone.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'bestmitzvahs_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',172,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-bestmitzvahs_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'bestmitzvahs_com-leader-2','ezslot_7',176,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-bestmitzvahs_com-leader-2-0'); WHO SHOULD WE HONOR? One by one, they are poured by each honoree into a large brandy snifter. Mazel tov on your mitzvah. ). Past, Present, Future (and possibly Good Luck). As your child lights each candle,he/ she willcall upon a particular group of gueststo light their own candles. Rosh Chodesh morning services also include Torah reading. Manymitzvah momsstruggle with the tradition of candle lighting. 3. Candle Lighting ceremony songs are the perfect addition for a Bar Bat Mitzvah celebration. (adapted from In Any EventBlog) 1. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. of our party rental prices. Many such "unaffiliated," and even those who consider themselves Jews with no religion, still hold a strong connection to Judaism, and still desire bnai mitzvah for their children. Everyone in the room was asked to come up at some point so the whole room was lit up by the end of the candle lighting. Fax: (323) 931-5505. It solves a lot of the problem of letting everyone know how special they are to us for making this special trip & celebration without singling out 13 persons; and gets everyone standing up to join us on the dance floor for the hora! Technically,when Jewish children become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, they become responsible for their own actions. Set an agenda and embrace ritual. Ensure the guest of honor has the poems ready. A NJ Based Signature Styled Event Firm,
We will get back to you right away. There isnt a set number of candles you need to light its very subjective and depends upon how you delegate the various groups but 13 candles for 13 years is standard plus one for good luck. Who knows? People have managed to get creative over the years, finding new and unique ways to incorporate their party themes, likes, and the people closest to them into their ceremonies. One Up Entertainment Candle Lighting Alternative Circle of Light. Meaning, wheel the cake (or decorative candle structure) to the center of the room. http://www.laviagraes.com/consumo-viagra-jovenes. Raising The Bar, a project of New York CitysLab/Shul, works with families both within and outside synagogues, to create unique and theatrical bar/bat mitzvahs. The guest of honor reads a simple few sentances about how everyone in this room touched his/her life starting of course with the parents. Would my immediate family please stand and light their candles now(mention names). Sand ceremonies have also grown in popularity as many see it as better, socially distanced alternative. 5012 & 5016 Venice Blvd. Candle lighting ceremonies have been around for decades. 223 Freehold Rd. I hadnt heard of the Remember Us project, what a beautiful concept! Id like to call up my parents to light the twelfth candle for FamilyMISHPACHA. The Bar Mitzvah boy, Bat Mitzvah girl or Master of Ceremonies . At the end of the day, a candle lighting ceremony or any alternative is about bringing together the ones that are close to you and your B Mitzvah teen. Thanks for the ideas!!! The short answer is you can have as many as you want. With this candle we honor all the teachers who have shared knowledge and wisdom with us. I would like to light a candle forthose who could not be here with us tonight (mention names). NAME Cut Letter Table Centerpiece - Bar/Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremony -Large Acrylic LETTERS - Customized - Priced PER letter. . Check the Jewish calendar to find out when Rosh Chodesh falls each month. Vendor Directory Consider unique alternatives to candle sticks, too, like colored vases, statuettes, custom cutouts, or even edible treats (like cupcakes). Handmade gifts are always loved and cherished! Itll also make for many awkward silences as your teen struggles to reach each wick. This story is from the 2013 Mitzvah Market Magazine. MKA & The Grove | Xplosive Entertainment | Dylan Weisman DJ/MC/AV, The HFEE Spring Gala: A Night of Fun and Fundraising. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Also consider giving everyone flash lights in lieu of candleswhich double as favors. While the rest of the day is centered around the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and their accomplishments (and rightfully so), the candle lighting ceremony really is a unique moment to pay tribute to the significant people in your life. Be sure give enough advance notice so that honorees can prepare something appropriate and dont forget to tell them to keep it short. Raising the Bar has had cohorts all around the world, convening study communities in large American cities, as well as the UK and Israel. Your theme, interests, and budget all influence the kind of display you'll have, and will ensure a setup that's anything but ordinary. Our team of dedicated and experienced MCs, DJs, Dancers, and event technicians wear the shared title of Event Ignitor based on their proven ability to blow the roof of events.. Have fun with it and so will everyone else. Suite 105Manalapan, NJ 07726, Copyright 2023 Xplosive Entertainment | Site Design by Simple SEO Group. Each child also hasmonthly one-on-one sessions witha Jewish educator in which he or she studies the Torah portion corresponding to his or her Hebrew birth date and develops a creative way of presenting it. Dedicate a candle to your pet dog and have a guest bring a giant photo of Rover to to the candle lighting. their relationships to my son and then had them light the lights. You can also have each of the honorees pour grape juice or wine into a wine glass to fill up your cup. One of the most modern candle lighting ceremonies weve seen is a video that played off of the Wii game Just Dance. This game was something the whole family enjoyed together, as there was a big age difference between the siblings, says Imberman, so they decided to include it in their celebration. After this house keeping chore is completed, the MC will pass the mic to the celebrant and he or she will read a few sentences or a poem about a person (or group of people) dedicating the candle in their honor. Also see Sample Candlelighting Ceremony Introduction by Rabbi Peter Schweitzer. This candle stands for fairness and equal opportunity and impartiality and equality for all. This kind of ceremony actively involves each guest from beginning to end, and makes for a unique, inclusive alternative to simply sitting and watching your teen light each candle on their own. This may seem obvious, but if your candle is floating in water, make sure the wick stays dry! Xplosive Entertainment has been a leader in the private events industry for the last thirteen years. Chabad Locator. Saying you all mean so much to me, rather than picking groups, I light this candle in dedication to all of you.. This blog was written by Xplosive Entertainment, a boutique inspired signature style event firm based in Manalapan, New Jersey. If youre looking for some new honorific inspiration, here are six creative ways to keep the sentiment of candle lighting without falling to the same old, same old. Try searching the Internet to find tutors in your community, though be sure to check references and seek word-of-mouth recommendations as well. A NJ Based Signature Styled Event Firm,
(Dec. 7) light one candle on your menorah. Of what she can become and who she will be. Ideally, by the timeyour child lights thelast candle, everyone has lit theirs and the room is glowing. Using simple math, a typical mitzvah has 14 candles (13 years plus one for good luck). The candle lighting ceremony will undoubtedly be emotional to all those involved, but it also puts a stop to the DJ and the dancing for a solid bit of time during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Maybe your partys packed schedule doesnt allow for a drawn-out candle lighting. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. One unique idea is a puzzle ceremony, where puzzle pieces are dedicated in lieu of candles, and put together to reveal a photo of the guest of honor. For instance, I remember mygrandfather whistled everyday. Halachic Times. All the while, the underlying question remains - how can a Bar Mitzvah candle lighting ceremony be unique, memorable and "cool", all at the same time? With just four candles, youve includedeveryonewith plenty of time to spare. Ask each guest to silently light his or her candle at their table and make a mitzvah pledge of their own. Would my grand parents please stand and light their candles now (mention names). While a sentimental staple of many mitzvahs, candle lighting ceremonies pose several risks to the success of your party. playing such a prominent role in everyones lives. The tradition of having a candle lighting ceremony honoring friends and family is a staple in many modern Mitzvah parties. *This post may contain affiliate links. of the day, a candle lighting ceremony or any alternative is about bringing together the ones that are close to you and your B Mitzvah teen. All the while, the underlying question remains how can a Bar Mitzvahcandle lighting ceremony be unique, memorable and cool, all at the same time? Id like to call up to light the third candle for PeaceSHALOM. Trust us, there are far better choices out there than Through The Years and We Are Family that arent being played out at every other mitzvah. ), Social Media and Relationships : The Do's & Don'ts | Yekum Ane, Those no longer with us (people who have died), Friends (can be divided up by school friends, camp friends, etc. To get the latest ideas in Bar Bat Mitzvah planning, sign up for our newsletter here. Since the goal of the ceremony is to celebrate and unify, the hands of loved ones organized into some shape or pattern can really hold a lot of meaning. That candle will then go and light the remainder of the table until you are left with a room full of lit candles. Suite 105
Have your child tell a shortanecdote abouthow eachquality is reflected in that person or group of people. An alternative to the candle-lighting ceremony for bat-mitzvah and bar-mitzvah celebrants, created by Rabbi Anchelle Perl, involves 14 small cups of grape juice or wine (13 for each year plus one for good luck). A virtual gathering is not a work meeting, but just as a DJ has a schedule of events to create good flow at a live bat mitzvah party, the same is necessary for a virtual one. Some may help plan and officiate at a bar/bat mitzvah service, others teach more of an intro to Judaism course, while still others like to explore a particular area of Torah, often choosing a topic that matches the bar/bat mitzvah childs interests. Your email address will not be published. Use common interests or geographic locations. celebrating with family and friends. The collage will serve both as a way to honor people in the moment, and as a scrapbook of sorts of the big day. There is no right or wrong way of doing the candle lighting. This candle is for everyone in our extended family, from coast to coast, who give us joy by sharing this day of celebration in our lives. It might be too long, too boring, or worse, too uncomfortable for some guests. Lastly, the good luck candle is dedicated to the guest of honor. Did we miss something? Would those of you who I met in elementary school please stand and light your candles now. View photos and videos of previous Xplosive Entertainment events. And try to think of the box and be different. A trendier way to do the candle lighting is to only do Past (those who have passed away), Present (family with us today), and Future (friends of the bar/bat mitzvah child).if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'bestmitzvahs_com-banner-1','ezslot_3',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-bestmitzvahs_com-banner-1-0'); Generally speaking, for each candle, there is 3-4 lines about the person that is usually poetic or rhymes (however, this is not required). For instance, some opt to light only four candles: Past, Present, Future, and Good Luck. In this case, your first candle is for the past, dedicated to those deceased. At first, is just the backer board with the puzzle pieces traced out and numbered. Both sets of grandparents can be honored with one candle, as can aunts, uncles, and cousins from both sides of the family. 2. (Courtesy of Lab/Shuls Raising the Bar families). The ceremony usually consists of calling up fourteen people or groups of people, each of whom light a candle. Saturday morning liturgywhile customary for bar/bat mitzvahscan be lengthy and dense. Dim the lights. Also see Sample Candlelighting Ceremony Introduction by Rabbi Peter Schweitzer. It's certainly not mandatory, but many families choose to include it in their celebration. Its also the most powerful tool in your arsenal when it comes to personalizing each candle dedication. CUP OF LIFECreated by Rabbi AnchellePerl. You had a shared experience listening to that song, the song reminds you of that person or group, or you love a particular song and it fits perfectly with how those honorees relate to your life. If you choose to organize a prayer service and you want your child to read from the Torah, consider services at various times during the week. Consider sharing the program agenda with guests to know what to expect ahead of time. Suite 105Manalapan, NJ 07726, Copyright 2023 Xplosive Entertainment | Site Design by Simple SEO Group. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Multiply the routine by thirteen or more, and you can easily spend a half an hour of your party on candles alone. 5. Now your mind turns to the reception and the candle lighting ceremony. Pronounced: hahv-DAHL-uh, Origin: Hebrew, From the root for to separate, the ceremony marking the end of Shabbat and the beginning of the week. Its a way to honor family and friends that have influenced the upbringing of the bar or bat mitzvah child. Make sure all guests are seated and attention is focused, etc. Once the seeds sprout in the days after the party, you can transfer them to your windowsill or home garden for a living reminder of the special relationships in your teens life. Personalized candelabra for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremony name sign. I love the All Inclusive idea. or separate the boys and the girls. Long distance relatives can be recorded by phone. We used little glo-sticks to give to everyone and the kids took turns announcing family. Or, maybe you want your guests to spend less time in their seats, and more time tearing up the dance floor. This totally takes the personalization and mostly the honest feeling of care away from the lengthy celebration. Your email address will not be published. Whether it is for a Broadway themed party or you are just looking for one of the most unique Candle Lighting options out there, this will WOW your guests! The mitzvah candle-lighting ceremony is kept shorter, Halpern said, so it stays, not dull, but an emotional and unforgettable moment. Or Ive seen this candle used for comedic appeal and dedicate the good luck candle to the wealthy doctor/model that he or she will be marrying. For young adults and children, use battery operated flamelesscandles which can be purchased from Michaels craft store or Save-On-Crafts.com. 9. after school activities (hockey, gymnastics, etc. How to have a meaningful ceremony even if you don't belong to a synagogue. EventsTableDecor. Your Broadway Song writes custom music & lyrics for each candle. Either way, theres no reason you cant abbreviate your candle lighting ceremony. Your child becomes a bar/bat mitzvah simply by turning 13 (or 12, in some communities). You may find that you like what a candle lighting ceremony represents, but youre ready for something completely new and different. For example, To my Grandmother, who always read to me and continues to inspire my education, I donated books to our local library or To my Aunt and Uncle, who taught me to reuse, renew and recycle, I planted a tree in Israel. Pronounced: baht MITZ-vuh, also bahs MITZ-vuh and baht meetz-VAH, Origin: Hebrew, Jewish rite of passage for a girl, observed at age 12 or 13. Candle #1 - Memory Candle It's never easy to lose people you love, But we know they are kvelling and watching from above, Another alternative is a lighting chain in place of a typical ceremony. Good luck is the well deserved selfish candle. Kasey became a Bat Mitzvah. Its great to know that people are reading my blog and finding it helpful. As you call up people in honor, you reference as example, The third puzzle piece of my life is for my grand parents. As they come up, they place the Velcro or magnetic puzzle piece on the board, eventually completing the puzzle which could be a full sized blown up photo of the guest or honor or his/her logo. Be sure to use tall, slow-burning candles for your ceremony. Be silly and have fun. There are no particular ritual obligations, and though chanting Torah or Haftarahis customary, it may not be the best choice for your family. Menorah Lighting Instructions. All the while, the underlying question remains how can a Bar Mitzvahcandle lighting ceremony be unique, memorable and cool, all at the same time? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This candle is about rational thinking and science; about asking questions, having doubts and not taking things for granted. Bar and Bat Mitzvah's seem to have been the founding event type for this rite of passage ceremony. 4 Elements of a Perfect Company Holiday Party. Ask honorees to offer a blessing or words of wisdom to your child when theyre called up to light the candle. It's a way to honor family and friends that have influenced the upbringing of the bar or bat mitzvah child. Nobody wants to have a boring and vanilla party. Similar to pouring sand art, colorful threads or string can be used to visualize everyone at your party becoming one collective unit there to celebrate the B Mitzvah teen. Id like to call to light the eighth candle for CharityTZEDAKA. Have each of the guests honored make a handprint in ink or paint or even in clay, like an art project that everyone contributes a small part to. Sarah Merians Photography and Videography. Stave your guests disinterest by getting creative with something colorful, personalized, and visually appealing. The candle lighting ceremony will undoubtedly be emotional to all those involved, but it also puts a stop to the DJ and the dancing for a solid bit of time during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Bar/Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremonies have come a long way They started off as a nice & simple gesture: The Bar/Bat Mitzvah would light birthday candles (hey, it's still a birthday after all) and invite close family members to light a candle with them. Read aboutone familys Brit Atid experience. Shorten the number of candles. (adapted from In Any Event Blog) 1. Dedicate the first candle to this lost child and ask your child make a commitment to saying the Kiddush prayer on the anniversary of his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah each year, sothey never forget. Fill 14 small cups of grape juice or wine (13 for each year plus one for good luck). So, you can choose to have each side of the family come up to light a candle or separate the groups by aunts and uncles and then have all of the cousins come up and light a candle. Read aboutone familys Brit Atid experience. Therefore we want you to get to know our Elevated Event Enhancements! PLANT A TREE Instead of lighting candles, plant14 trees in Israel. Friends can all come up to light a candle as one big group or you can divide them up by how they know the Bar/Bat Mitzvah (camp friends, family friends, school friends, etc.) We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. . Your next candle is dedicated to every guest in attendance at your eventthe present. A third candle is then dedicated to your guest of honors health, happiness, and future. Thank you! We did a variation of your second idea for my older sons bar mitzvah 3 years ago. So rather than keeping them in the dark I started this site to help answer questions that many people might have.I hope that this site is helpful to you as someone who is friends with a Jewish person or if you are considering joining the Jewish faith. By adding mitzvot to a candle lighting ceremony using these creative ideas, your family is sure to add an extra special touch to your celebration. Many families have a less informal celebration at an event space or sports facility, while others feel that they dont want to interrupt the party or have something that runs so long that people start getting bored. Your extra effort will wow each dedicatee while keeping the rest of your guests interested with an unexpected, personally curated playlist. Sample Candlelighting Ceremony Welcome everyoneI'm so glad you're here, To celebrate my bar mitzvah from far and near, So many I want to honor on my big day, Please listen up-I've got a lot to say! Parents then light a candle for grandparents, and so on. A major question people face today when planning their bar or bat mitzvah is whether or not they have a candle lighting ceremony at their event. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Lookup. A candle lighting ceremony is all about unity and bringing together people from different walks of your life. With this candle we honor heroes and role models who contribute to making the world a better place for everyone. After they honored their friends, they asked the friends to come up and get lights for their parents. Now, when I whistle, I realize its because Im content. There is no religious reason why you must have a candle ceremony. Think about this would you rather hear a 13 year old stumble a bit while reading a sentimental poem about his/her aunt and uncle, or would you rather hear a paid MC to read a few lines about someone he has never met? Those of you who took care of me as a child (babysitters, nannies). Get even more creative and consider whole alternatives to your candle lighting ceremony. Would those of you who knew my familybefore I was born, please stand and light your candles now. (adapted from In Any Event Blog) 1. Written by, Michael Langsner, Vice President of Xplosive Entertainment. Some examples below. They work with students long-distance via Skype, and officiants are willing to perform bar or bat mitzvahs in a childs hometown, or even travel to a destination ceremony. You can really expedite a candle ceremony or help a shy guests of honor who doesnt want all attention on him or herself, by dedicating your candles as follows: Past: those who are no longer with us, aka, your memory candle, Present: all in attendance. Update: This idea went very well. We will get back to you right away. B-Mitzvah (formerly called Brit Atid), a project of the JCC in Manhattans Jewish Journeys program in New York City, brings together a cohort of seventh graders who come together for monthly study parent-child study sessions. Ultimately, the goal is for everyone to have a good time, and there is no right or wrong way to approach this ceremonial tradition. Seven Alternatives to Traditional Bar Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremonies. In that vein, why not have each person or group called up pour colored sand into a clear jar, like in the example below. First, ensure that you are prepared and your notes/poems are properly assembled. 4. This one could get a little messy, but that might be just the right thing for your teen! Nobody wants to have a boring and vanilla party. The candle lighting ceremony is an incredible opportunity for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah boy or girl to honor those closest to them who have made not only the day so special, but their lives so exceptional. Lets start with the basics. These are a few examples of grouping guests so get creative. It includes the guest of honor calling up special people to him/her to light a candle. In a practical sense, its a photo opportunity for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child to get a picture with the people closest to them, says event planner Melisa Imberman, owner of The Event Of A Lifetime in Millwood, NY. The possibilities are endless when it comes to displaying your candles. With small pots and store bought flower seeds, each group can plant a few flowers that symbolize the nurturing relationship they have to you and your family. Entertainment 2.0 - What Does It Look Like? Create your own groups. Candle lighting: 7:16pm on Friday, Apr 28. On the video monitors around the room, guests watched as the family of Mii characters danced on screen with a piece of cake and a flame for each person honored. The Levitan Family decided on a creative candle lighting ceremony with neither cake nor candles since their synagogue didnt permit them to be lit on the Sabbath. They worry about offending or excluding family and friends,their kids spend hours writing rhyming poems instead of studying their Haftorah portions and song selectionsbecome a family debate.
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